


J.K. Rowling and the Pissed-Off Jew

by queerdo_mcjewface



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Antisemitism, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:20:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerdo_mcjewface/pseuds/queerdo_mcjewface
Summary: My exposure to Harry Potter consists of reading the first two books in elementary school and cultural osmosis. This is a hate letter to J.K. Rowling and people who tell Jews, trans people, and anyone else that they have to stop reading Harry Potter books that they already own or fanfic because the author is awful.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	J.K. Rowling and the Pissed-Off Jew

Rachel Goldstein looked longingly at the eggs, toast, tomatoes, and beans stacked on other students plates as she sipped her kosher meal replacement shake. The bacon and sausages still disgusted her, but she longed for school holidays not only so that she could see her beloved family but eat something that didn't come in a can. The novelty of drinking gloop marketed as a "chocolate milkshake" with the texture of milled chalk had worn off years ago.

A ringing filled the hall. "Announcement!" Headmistress Joanne Galbraith bellowed. "As you know, the Christmas season is upon us. Consequently, we have a contest for decorating the dormitories! Whichever house decorates theirs in the most festive manner will receive 1000 points!"

Rachel was crestfallen until she remembered that Chanukkah coincided with Xmas this year. It was frustrating when goyim assumed that it was just the Jewish version, but at least she could participate in the contest.

After their classes that evening all of the Ravenclaw girls were busy making their dormitory festive. Sandy and Poppy even cut down a sapling and brought it inside so that it could be decorated. Meanwhile Rachel busied herself cutting driedels out of paper before polishing her menorah. It wasn't actually Chanukkah yet so she didn't light the candles or recite the blessing, but she did place it in the windowsill in preparation for the holiday. It was going to be her first time lighting Chanukkah candles; Rachel's bat mitzvah had been over the summer so she hadn't been obligated earlier, and her family's minhag was to wait until someone was of age to give them their own menorah to light.

"What are you doing?" Sandy asked asked Rachel tried to figure out the best location to make the menorah visible both inside the dormitory and from the outside.

"I'm placing my menorah in preparation for Chanukah. It's starting in just a few days so that's what I'm decorating for!"

"The menorah is the thing you put candles in, right?

"Yes! It's to remind us of the miracle of the light in the Temple lasting for eight days."

"It's so pretty! I like the different colors of the spinning top decorations too!"

Rachel tried to decide if it would give the appearance of avodah zarah to praise the Xmas decorations. "It must have been a lot of work to cut a real tree and bring it inside!"

Two days later Headmistress Galbraith came to the dormitory to judge. "The real tree is a delightful touch! Much nicer than the synthetic one in Hufflepuff! Much more Christmassy, don't you think? And I love the green and red ribbons on all the beds!" Headmistress Galbraith kept effusively praising them until she finally reached Rachel's bed and scowled. "What on earth are these rainbow things?"

"They are driedels. They have Hebrew characters on them..."

"Why on Earth did you make those?"

"I decorated my bed for Chanukkah. See, I have a menorah in the window too!"

Headmistress Galbraith whipped out her wand and extinguished the candles. "That was a fire hazard!" She turned to the rest of the girls. "This a secular competition, not a opportunity to religiously proselytize at a secular school! Ravenclaw has been disqualified!" Almost all of the girls glared at Rachel.

That night, for the first time that she could remember, tears made it impossible to recite her evening prayers.

**Author's Note:**

> My exposure to Harry Potter consists of reading the first two books in elementary school and cultural osmosis. This is a hate letter to J.K. Rowling and people who tell Jews, trans people, and anyone else that they have to stop reading Harry Potter books that they already own or fanfic because the author is awful.


End file.
